10 Stupid Job Interview Questions and How We’d Like To Respond

JobInterview

Tell Us About Yourself?

I’m fucking CRAZY. But you’ll never know it before Five o clock.

What Made You Choose This Company?

The “We’re Hiring” part. 

Do You Have Any Questions For Us?

Am I hired? How long is my vacation? Do I get paternity leave? Does my insurance cover Viagra?  Are you my boss and/or are you an asshole? Do we ever get free cake? Is there a casual Friday? Every other Friday? Does my lunch break include the actual time I’m eating said lunch, or does it start as soon I leave the building? Do you track my Internet history? Is 9:05 considered late? 

Have You Ever Been Fired From A Job?

This year?

Do You Like Working Long Hours?

Yes I love long hours, please god YES, let me just keep saying YES until you give me the job, and then I’ll say… FUCK NO.

What’s Your Biggest Strength?

Answering questions. 

What’s Your Greatest Weakness?

Working…everyday. 

What Do You Want From This Job?

I’d like a large sum of money, delivered to this bank account every Friday. That’s really it. 

Why Are You Leaving Your Last Job?

The guy screaming “You’re Fired!” made me uncomfortable.

What’s Been Your Biggest Accomplishment In Your Career So Far?

Getting to this interview on time. 

-Aaron Smallets SMURPH

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