8 Genius Ways To Break up With A Friend

fakebitch

When you break up with a boyfriend/girlfriend it’s perfectly acceptable to say “get the fu*k out of my life!!”

With a friend it’s not so easy.

Occasionally there are people that come into our lives that we accept with open arms…then as time goes by we discover that they are:

A. Crazy B. Obnoxious or C. Needy.

They haven’t done one thing wrong in particular, they just all-in-all SUCK.

The sad thing about these people is you can’t just rip them off like a band-aid. This is a case where you don’t want confrontation. You want to come out as the good guy in the situation. So here’s what you can do:

1. Constantly Invite them to things you know they can’t possibly come to.

“HEY!! What are you up to right now?…Wanna go to a party tonight? Yeah! It’s in a deserted island in the middle of the Yugonagi Peninsula and you’d have to charter your own jet and bring an endangered species as a gift” That way you can be like “Whatever..I invite you to SOO many things and you never come….we’re done

2. Make a screenshot of your Mom calling. 

That way whenever they come up to you on the street you can show them your phone and say “oh sorry my mom’s calling….it must be important”.

3. Occasionally make a Facebook status about your phone not working. 

That way when they get mad at you for not responding to their texts you can just say “Whatever you obviously don’t read my facebook wall…what kind of friend are you?”.

4. Constantly talk about how AMAZING YOU are.

At the sober chance you HAVE to hang with this person constantly mention how great your outfit is and what great skin you have. Eventually the tables will turn and they’ll want to break up with you.

5.  “Are you sure you want to do that?” 

For everything they do say “Are you sure want to do that?”,  “Are you sure want to wear that?”, or “Are you sure you want to eat that?”. Then when they get to the breaking point and don’t want to hang with you anymore you can just say “I was just trying to help”.

6. Like EVERYTHING on their Facebook. 

Every status, every comment, every picture.

7.  Make your calls to them go Straight to Voicemail.

 This is a lot like number 1.”Oh heyyy guess I missed you again. Oh well……so sad”.

8. Tell them you have feelings for them.

 Use this one with caution. Only if you don’t think they want to pounce you. Then they’ll feel sorry for you but you won’t hear from them again.

I’ve used at least one of these things and have lost about 300lbs of obnoxiousness in doing so.

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3 thoughts on “8 Genius Ways To Break up With A Friend

  1. Why just not say to the person, “I don’t think we should talk/hang out any longer.”, as opposed to going through all that drama? I did, not long ago, and I had warned him a couple of weeks earlier. But if I had to choose one of the the three: I’d go with crazy. They’re not gonna bore me.

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