Why I Hate Shopping


1. Tiny Men’s Section

Oh the Men’s section? Right over here. Nope you just passed it.

2. Clearance Racks

All the stuff no one else wanted in one section for your broke-ass convenience.

3. Lines

There should be two:

1. People with Money Ready in Hand.

2. Woman With Huge Purses.

4. Sales People

“Hi!! Can I help you make my commission??!!”

5. Small Dressing Room

Flight attendants practice changing in these.

Do I get a discount for leaving my scarf and spare change?

6. The Mirrors

Nothing looks good on me 2 inches away.

7. Bad Lighting

It will show every Mocha-choca-latte you’ve ever drank. And yes you are THAT white.

8. Wrong size

Sorry we only have XL, XXL and other unflattering sizes left.

-Aaron Smallets Smurph


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