Why Gays LOVE Fall- 4.3 Reasons


After being whores for two months. Tramping around in nothing but a bathing suit that could barely cover a doorknob, and not eating anything since June- the leaves change colors and it’s time to cover up again. That’s when the gays go…NUTS.

Finally, we can eat again. And we EAT.


“Have you tried the pumpkin pancakes at ‘Eggs R Us’ with the pumpkin bacon topped with a pumpkin sauce? We should go there today…but first I have to get my pumpkin latte at Starbucks.”

Oh and it’s the only time we’ll drink beer- pumpkin beer that is.

Then there’s the layering.


In the summer we want to wear nothing–but once we start eating we need to cover IT up. We love putting shit…over more…shit…to cover up more shit. You would think we were on the way to the airport trying to save money on baggage fees.

 “I love your blazer over your sweater over your dress shirt over…over your hooodie over your what is that? an astronaut suit? LOVVVE IT”

We like to cuddle and watch movies.


Usually it’s just Hocus Pocus. It’s a terrible movie but because Bette Midler and Sarah Jessica Parker are in it- we could watch it all day-and we do, even while we’re getting our Holecus Pocused by the guy we’re cuddling with.

Then of course.



This is the gay holiday of the year. Whether it be rain or snow we will wear barely anything. We will find a pair of underwear and make a costume around it. I think it’s called Halloween because you can see the WEEN of ALL the gays.

As for the Lesbians don’t worry Christmas is just around the corner and there are many trees waiting to be chopped down.

-Aaron Smallets Smurph


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