Lion Statues, Tiger Stripes and Bears! OH MILEY!!!- VMA 2013 Performances

"How Thicke was it Miley?"

“How Thicke was it Miley?”

It’s like church. Most of us usually only go once a year. At Christmas.

MTV is no different. A network that doesn’t actually play music anymore…still hosts one of the most awaited events of the year: The MTV Music Video Awards. The only time most of us actually watch MTV anymore.

Why?

Cause SH** is going down.

After Madonna lost her “virginity” to the stage in a wedding dress…anything was possible. Since then, we’ve seen snakes, people climbing sets, artists being brought in by an egg, and a thousand slim shadies.

I’m not going to talk about the awards in this blog. I really don’t care. I don’t think people watching did either. You either like a music video or you don’t. I can read what won the next day. Unless someone is getting their award taken live onstage, it’s the only time I’d pay attention. Frankly, I hated most music videos this year. I think hating the actual music that went with them didn’t help.

Sea Shells For Summer? Groundbreaking.

Sea Shells For Summer? Groundbreaking.

Opening the night-Lady Gaga walking out to “boos” and “you suck” etc. I thought was genius. Lady Gaga realizes not everyone will like her. She goes to the extreme. When you go the extreme you alienate a lot of people. Some people think you’re being TOO extreme, then some people think you’re going to the extreme…to be extreme. I’ll stop saying extreme now.

Someone mentioned a comment on Facebook saying “Why all the hoopla during performances these days..people back then didn’t need glitter and massive costume changes to get peoples attention. It was about the music.” To that I say:

More glitter please. More costume changes.

Something Gaga did effortlessly while going right back into the dance moves of the song. Four costume change totals, INCLUDING, makeup.

Songs these days require flare. Why cause they’re made with flare. Can you imagine Miles Davis coming in on a trapeze with his trumpet? It just wouldn’t work. His music was simple. So were his performances.

If performers back then could dance with computer images…I’m sure Mae West would have signed up in a minute.

Back to Gaga. It was all what we’d expect and love of her. High energy dance performances with many surprises. I couldn’t keep my eyes off. It ended too soon. She’s an artist who experiments. She puts it ALL on the table. Like it or not. She’s here for a long time and I think the best is ahead of her.

Then we get to Miley. I’m not going to let the fact that I think her song lyrics might as well be written on toilet paper. The fact that we have coffee house conversations of whether or not she said “Molly” or “Miley” makes me want to pour hot coffee all over someone. This is the music we have now?

I enjoy the song, “We Can’t Stop”. It’s like having to eat Lucky Charms after realizing they left the marshmallows out. I make do. It’s still somewhat enjoyable.

Real..or Nightmare?

Real..or Nightmare?

However,

I don’t know what kind of team Miley has behind her. Well last night it was Robin Thicke…Anyway, maybe after that Bong incident a while ago…Miley’s team is constantly sent pot paraphernalia and are constantly testing them. Because what happened on that stage, is what children have nightmares about. Any team that gets together and made Miley look the way she did (picture above, I can’t begin to describe it) AND decided to have her dance with oversize Bear-People should retire to San Francisco where they can see all the bears and smoke all the dubees (I refuse to google this spelling) they want.

Now, you might be surprised my next comment. I actually liked Miley’s performance. If it was just her. In a semi decent outfit. With her bleached hair. Just HER as SHE is. I would have loved it. She moved well, almost reminiscient of Gwen Stefani, but still had her own style. She just needed to…like everything AROUND her…bring IT IN a lot.

Who knows…maybe this was some childhood fantasy of Miley’s…and at one point channeling her Veruca Salt screamed “But Daddy I want Bears now!”.

Whatever that was. The VMA committee should draft an amendment “No more dancing bears…ever” Actually this should be a Consitutional Amendment. (Disney can be grandfathered in).

Many reviews have stated “Miley is all grown up”. I don’t really know what that means. When I grew up I was picking out paint colors, buying doppio espressos and mastering a bowtie. I didn’t know rubbing your ass on Robin Thicke is a wright of passage now.

Just Remember When You Get Lost..Do an Awkward Pose

Just Remember When You Get Lost..Do an Awkward Pose

NSync. Yeah great. Loved it. I would have been fine with only Justin and JC. Do they all actually talk to each other anymore? I hope at LEAST Justin Timberlake visits Chris Kirkpatrick at work- at his local Starbucks. (I always assume washed up celebrities work at Starbucks)

Then Katy Perry… I love her I really do. However, I disagreed with her introduction that said something like “Katy Perry performing her BEST single yet “. I’m sure we can all agree, “no”. “Roar” does not hold “fire” to “Hot and Cold”, “Firework”, “Teenage Dream”. Please? This song is a “cub” compared to those. Cub…Roar…yeah.

I’ve said this before, I think she took the lyrics of “Eye of the Tiger” put them on magnets and rearranged them on her fridge and got this song. “You can do whatever you want”…we get it. You already said that in “Firework” and “Part of me”. And we loved it. We don’t need this crappy rewrite. We get it- we all have a beast in us…woman are strong…we’ve heard it before…from you.

Katy Perry "Roar" VMA's 2013

I loved the backdrop of the Brooklyn Bridge. PS. That golden thing behind her was a Lion, in case you probably couldn’t tell.

Even more so…i was SHOCKED to see the song was being performed in a boxing ring. How artistic???? How unexpected??? Freddy Mercury didn’t come up with this shi**. I’m starting to think Creative Directors only get paid in the sets they create. “No it’s no salary..but you can keep the boxing ring after”.

I was bored halfway through the performance.

VMA’s you still keep us intrigued. You still keep us watching. And as you do…you still keep us talking for days. All-in-All you kept the spirit of the one show on MTV we watch a year. Now we have to wait a couple more months for our one-time church visit to clean our sins after watching that Miley thing.

-Aaron Smallets (Smurph)

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