10 Questions Servers Get Everyday (And How They Wish They Could Respond)

Waiter

1. What’s Good Here?

It’s all crap sir. This restaurant is just a front to sell crack. Oh sorry, I lied. Our crack’s the shit.

2. What Do You Have to Drink Here?

Water, Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Coffee, Decaf Coffee, Iced Tea, Cranberry Juice, Orange Juice, Hot Tea, Vodka Soda, Vodka Coke, Vodka Diet Coke, Vodka Cranberry, Vodka OJ, Vodka Rocks….would you like to me continue or would you like to read this revolutionary thing called a MENU?

3. Can You Just Tell The Chef….?

The Chef hates me. He hates you. He hates everyone. He will scream at me if I get too close. Anything I “tell the chef” must fit into a 18 character sentence I type on a computer. BURGER NOFRYSUBSLDXTRATOMKLLME

4. Are You Sure You Can’t Do It?

Let me check with myself again. No…we can’t substitute your rice with lobster claws.

5. Why Don’t You Have That on the Menu Anymore!!?

I don’t know. When the Owner and Chef met to change the menu I was training for a trip to Mars.

6. I Had it Last Time, Why Can’t I Do it Now?

You’re right. Did you know this restaurant used to be a Post Office? Let me know if I can get you some 2 cent stamps as well. One word: McRib.

7. Can You Tell the Owner I’m Here? He and I Go Way Back.

Wow you must be great friends. You don’t have his phone number, email, fax number, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Grindr to tell him you’re here yourself.

8. Is One Entrée Enough For The Two Of Us?

It will be once I poison your water.

9. What’s Your Freshest Fish?

His name was Harold. He was a Snapper. He died four seconds ago.

10. And How Are You Today!?

I started doing this to pay my way though college. I graduated 8 years ago. I’m great. Any more shit I can get you to make YOUR day better?

-Aaron Smallets Smurph

About these ads

993 thoughts on “10 Questions Servers Get Everyday (And How They Wish They Could Respond)

  1. garcinia cambogia Unsure about the feasibility or logistics, but might be practical information.
    If you read your descriptions, you’ll get a sense of
    whether the client is serious or possibly not.
    Look at the Lasik request as compared with the SEO request.
    Both have 0s thus to their purchase rating. I’d write for the Lasik customer without
    doubt but I’d be a reduced amount of incliend to write for any SEO customer just based along the
    way they worded their requests. Also, the date
    gives a person a clue too. The Lasik request is brand new.
    Now, if it were three weeks old and however showed a zero,
    I’d figure the customer’s not serious, but since it’s a weekend along with
    the request is just every day or two old, then I’d give him the power of the doubt (providing
    not surprisingly that I was thinking about writing about that specific topic).
    That said, SEO articles are rather popular,
    so if I was so inclined, I’d write one and submit it on the
    SEO guy. I wouldn’t be confident within this guy buying
    it but We’d be confident in various other client buying
    it dependant on the popularity of the topic.
    So really, if this guy has made 100 requests without having to bought
    a single article, my overall decision can be based on the topic’s larger
    appeal. garcinia cambogia reviews

  2. Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your website
    and in accession capital to assert that I get in fact enjoyed
    account your blog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your
    augment and even I achievement you access consistently quickly.

  3. “Panic attacks are simply accentuated versions of natural bodily reactions; remember, they CAN NOT harm you in any way. And so one is left with this ever-building traffic jam caused by two vehicles: an overloaded mind on the verge of meltdown and a very agitated and loudly rebellious fear circuitry. You don’t have to bother with it but Fort Oswego is all that stands between you and Fort Carillon which will give you control of the Iroquois Territory.

  4. I was excited to discover this great site.
    I need to to thank you for your time for this fantastic read!!
    I definitely liked every part of it and I have you bookmarked to look at new information on your blog.

  5. Hi there! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new
    apple iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your
    posts! Carry on the outstanding work!

  6. I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your site.
    It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for
    me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire
    out a developer to create your theme? Excellent work!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s