If you’re still trying to find the perfect costume. No worries, the experts here at the Bluepers Diary have come up with these quick and easy costumes using common household items. Warning some of these may have people not inviting you to their Halloween Party next year. Which is great! Because you’re obviously too lazy and stupid to come up with your own costume.
1. Rub yourself in Vasoline (your Grandparents have a huge tub of this). Douse yourself in ketchup, wrap yourself with an extension cord and before you can open a condom wrapper you’re a Newborn! People will be lining up to hold you!
2. Stick a lighting bolt (paper, yellow marker) on your shirt. Attach thread, needles and measuring tape to your belt and go as Tailor Swift! Hopefully there won’t be any Kanyes around to steal your “thunder”.
3. Undress. Then take a black marker and hashtag the hell out of yourself!! In four easy strokes you’re a Reality Star!!
4. Get a curly wig. Swallow a whole bottle of caffeine pills. Carry the bottle around with you. Play “I’m So Excited” on your cellphone and jittery you are now beloved Jessie Spano.
5. Paint yourself black. Then throughout the night punch random people and VOILA you’re Chris Brown. People will recognize this one in 10-12 months.
6. Put on a nice dress or suit. Take a shower in it. Tie a door around your back. And in an instant you’re a Titanic Survivor! If you’re in a place where it’s below zero, lucky you! You can go as a Titanic Victim!!!
7. Tie an empty wine bucket around you. Put some kind of liquor bottle in it. Tie a red rope around you. Wear a dress that shows your Kooch and TADA you’re a VIP!! (For guys, in replace of dress…just say douchy comments all night).
8. Wear a suit. Carry a basket full of hairspray, candy and lipgloss. Then tie a roll of paper towels on your waist and go as a Bathroom Attendant. Everyone will be scared of this costume!!!
9. If you’re overweight. No problem! Put on a leather bomber jacket. A Batman mask (everyone has this). And go as Val Kilmer past and present.
10. Pour glue all over yourself. Crumble up shredded wheat. Roll around in it. Bam! You’re Cereal Killer!!
Any other ideas? Leave in the comment section.
-Aaron Smallets Smurph